As I sit down and get serious about writing and blogging again for the first time in nearly a decade, I have decided to dive into a topic that I have always loved but have never written about. That topic is snacks. Specifically, salty snacks. A good bag of chips can complement a great sandwich for a truly solid lunch, and they can also really hit the spot when that late afternoon snack attack hits as I’m trying to wrap up my day at work. There’s just something about the eating experience provided by a good bag of chips that just always hits the spot. And that is why I have decided to start keeping track of the various chips I eat in my day-to-day life and keep track of them here. Through this documentation, I aim to curate my own personal pantheon of truly memorable and worthwhile chips in hope that this inspires you all to be a bit more brave and trying out new and different snack options when the opportunity arises.
You might be thinking to yourself, “okay Angelo, but isn’t Brutal Moose doing this same exact thing over on his YouTube channel?” And… well, yes, yes he is. But as this blog is entirely about me getting back into the practice of writing and expression, I’ve decided to follow his example and throw my thoughts out into the world as this is a nice, easy way to slide back into writing more regularly. Besides, his list is “essential”. My list is “definitive”. There’s clearly room for both in the world. So once you’re done reading this, pop over to his channel and give his videos a watch as they are always very entertaining and worth the time.
Before I get into the chips themselves, allow me to quickly explain my review scale:
Review Scale
- One Star: An unpleasant snacking experience truly lacking in any enjoyment whatsoever. In some rare instances (such as The One Chip Challenge), these chips are so aggressively unpleasant and bad as to cause physical revulsion and near illness. An extremely rare rating that should be treated as an extreme red flag.
- Two Star: While these chips may have some pleasant or tasty attributes, the overall snacking experience on whole is unfulfilling. Perhaps the texture is less than desirable, they have an odd aftertaste, or they don’t deliver the promised flavor. While these chips are not truly “bad”, they’re also not a snack I will seek out again.
- Three Star: A solid, fulfilling, and pleasant snacking experience, but not transcendent. These are chips I will gladly eat at a party or family gathering and will grab in the snack aisle if nothing else catches my eye. While perfectly enjoyable, these are never the snacking experience that I’m truly hoping for when I sit down to snack, but I’m still satisfied afterwards.
- Four Star: Now we’re getting there. These are the chips I will tell friends about. These are the ones I keep my eyes peeled for when I’m walking the snack aisle at Target or CVS. These chips deliver and they stand above all but a rare few in the snack section.
- Five Star: A truly excellent snacking experience. While I will tell friends about a four star chip, these are the chips I will give friends as a little gift or hound them to purchase if we happen to be in the Asian market together (I have been known to do this exact thing). The paragons of the snacking pantheon. True GOATs.
Classic Flavors
- Miss Vickie’s – Sea Salt: These are like the perfect example of a three-star chip. They have a pleasant amount of salt, they’re not overly greasy and they deliver a perfectly satisfying and adequate snacking experience. They just don’t do anything above and beyond that, but sometimes that’s totally okay. Rating: 3/5.
- Miss Vickie’s – Sea Salt and Vinegar: When I’m sitting down to have a salt and vinegar chip, it’s because I want a level of intensity and acidity that plan chips don’t deliver. Or, more often, it’s because the person fulfilling my online order at Jersey Mike’s misreads my order for “Sea Salt” and throws these in the bag instead. Regardless of whether I intend to eat these chips or not, they never satisfy. They’re perfectly fine from a flavor perspective, but the vinegar flavor is so mild that it adds nothing to the snacking experience other than a slightly more acidic bite that just kinda chaps my lips. Not worth straying from the original for these. Rating: 2/5
- “Dirty” Deli Style Potato Chips – Sea Salted: If Miss Vickie’s Sea Salt is the perfect example of a three-star chip, these are the perfect example of a two-star chip. On paper they’re near identical to the Miss Vickie’s chip, but they’re just ever so slightly worse in every conceivable way. They’re less salty and are more bland. They’re a touch more greasy. The texture borders upon being stale. This is a snack without the love, and it’s final rating reflects as much. Rating: 2/5
- Ruffles – Original: And finally, we have the king of the plain salted chips, the original Ruffle. They’re saltier in a way that is almost too salty, but instead nails that sweet spot right before the flavor balance tips over into being a salt-lick. They are indeed greasy (the only true knock against them), but it’s that good greasy that comes with satisfying finger-licking flavor without making your fingers feel disgusting. The platonic ideal of a four-star chip. Rating: 4/5
- Rold Gold Tiny Twists – Original: And finally, we’re ending up this journey into classic flavors with a perfectly solid and enjoyable pretzel experience. The land of hard pretzels is one that is filled with broken dreams and false promises, but the original Rold Gold delivers. The pretzel itself has a nice and crunchy bite. They hit that same salty level that Ruffles attain, but with the added element of the crunch coming from the pretzel salt. Whenever I see pretzels at a party, I desperately hope that they are these ones (and they so often sadly are not). Pro-tip: dip these into some cream cheese for a truly transcendent experience. Rating: 4/5
Novelty Flavors
- Utz – “The Crab Chip”: These are absolutely incredible. While there’s really no discernable crab flavor to these, the flavor profile of your typical crab seasoning works so phenomenally well on a chip like this. They’re salty and savory with hints of paprika and celery. I had these while on a picnic with my wife at a nearby park and just, goddamn. That was a truly incredible snack that was perfect for that setting. Rating: 5/5
- Ruffles – Flamin’ Hot Cheddar & Sour Cream: These have A LOT going for them. I like spicy food. I love Cheddar & Sour Cream Ruffles. LeBron James is on the bag. This should all add up to being a GOAT chip. However, they fall ever so slightly short of GOAT status while still being an incredible, top-tier chip in their own right (insert the obvious joke about LeBron here). The problem here is that unfortunately the two halves of this chip don’t really work together harmoniously. The Flamin’ Hot mutes the salty edge of the cheddar, while the sour cream mutes the heat from the Flamin’ Hot. There’s a really great idea here, but I don’t think this fully executes upon that. Despite all that, this is still an excellent snack and one I will gladly enjoy again. Rating: 4/5
- Doritos – Spicy Sweet Chili: I had never really given these Doritos a chance until I met my wife. She’s allergic to dairy and, as such, can’t really eat Doritos as they almost all have some sort of milk powder involved in them. Except for these! And, turns out, they’re pretty damn good. I’m not sure that they beat out the top tiers of the Doritos pantheon (that being Salsa Verde and Taco), but these are definitely a solid option. I can see why this flavor has become the de facto third Doritos flavor behind Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch. Rating: 4/5
- Lay’s – BLT Sandwich: There are few things as good as a really good, in-season BLT. Sadly, these chips don’t come anywhere close to capturing that essence. While they kind of hit on the tomato flavor and don’t have an overwhelmingly fake bacon flavor like I had feared, too much of the BLT equation is missing. Where’s the sourdough? There’s no refreshing crunch of lettuce. No juicy tomato. No creamy mayo. These just don’t get there. That said, at the risk of immediately losing every single reader I have with my very first post here, if you dip them into some mayo you start getting much closer to what I love about a good BLT. That elevated these up to a 3, but I’m not counting dips with these ratings. Rating: 2/5
- Lay’s – Wavy Cuban Sandwich: Again, these chips fail as they just cannot recapture the essence of the sandwich they’re trying to emulate. I LOVE Cuban sandwiches and while this chip does a decent job of capturing the pickle and mustard, I get no pork. All the satisfying texture from the grilled and pressed bread is gone. There’s just too much that goes into a Cuban sandwich missing for me to call this a successful attempt at a Cuban sandwich. And, unlike the BLT chip, a quick little dip into something else isn’t gonna save this snack. Rating: 2/5
Import Chips
- Yamayoshi – Otokogi Wasabi Chips (Japan): One of my all-time favorite chips is a limited edition wasabi ginger kettle chip from a Lay’s special promotion back in 2015. I hoarded those things they were so good. So when I cracked this month’s Bokksu box to see these, I was really excited. Sadly, these didn’t hit the same way. The problem really is that they hit too hard. According to the insert in the box, “Otokogi” can roughly translate into English as “brave spirit” and well, that’s a fitting name. These aren’t at the level of a challenge chip like the One Chip Challenge (one-star, would never do again, do not recommend), but the wasabi flavor here is overwhelming. Each bite just scorched my sinuses with an insane amount of horseradish. While I love spice, I DO NOT particularly enjoy the horseradish sinus sensation and sadly, that really got in the way of my enjoyment of this snack. The flavor is quite good, but the experience is not one I’d be looking to re-experience. Rating: 2/5
- Oyatsu Company – Kuchidoke Koji Samumaro Curry (Japan): I absolutely LOVE Golden Curry. I currently have four boxes of the stuff sitting in my pantry because every time I happen across it in an Asian market I grab a box. One of my favorite meals overall. And these chips really, REALLY deliver on the taste of a Japanese curry like Golden Curry. The chips themselves are more like a corn puff (think a Cheeto Puff) which is really the only criticism that I have on them. While I enjoy snacks like the Cheeto Puff, some puffed corn snacks kinda feel like they disintegrate and stick to every nook of your teeth and I hate that. These unfortunately do just that. That’s the only thing keeping these from being top tier in my book. Rating: 4/5
- Turtle Chips – Choco Churros (South Korea): You know that scene in Ratatouille with the critic? The one where he tastes whatever dish that was (I’ve only seen the memes, don’t judge me) and flashes back to being a kid eating his mother’s cooking? Yeah, these chips gave me one of those moments. I haven’t thought about these in like three decades, but when I was a kid my mom would get these bulk chocolate dipped crullers from the grocery store. If you’re around my age you might know what I’m talking about, they were definitely way too crispy for a donut but man, it didn’t matter because they were delicious. Well, these chips taste EXACTLY like those crullers. I would have never thought that a sweet dessert chip would earn a perfect rating, but here I am. These chips are incredible. I could crush an entire bag of these things without thinking. I cannot recommend them highly enough. Absolute S-Tier snacking experience. Rating: 5/5
- Chicharron Ni Mang Juan – Espesyal Suka’T Sili (Phillipines): If I told you that a vegan chicharron would also be a top tier, 5/5 chip, would you believe me? Because holy shit these rule and totally deserve that rating. Like I mentioned, these are a chicharron-style chip, but made out of dried pea flour. The chili and vinegar flavor that I tried are one of the most satisfyingly zesty snacks I’ve ever tried. They are so perfectly salty and acidic yet craveable. They are yet another snack where I could easily crush the entire bag in one sitting. And I feel somewhat vindicated after raving about these to my friends as I later saw Adam Richman (from Man vs Food) list them as one of his all-time favorite snacks as well. If you ever see these, try them. You will not be disappointed. Unless you are and then we can’t be friends. Sorry, that’s just how it goes (not really, but I absolutely will judge you). Rating: 5/5
- Lay’s Chili Crab (Thailand): The second crab chip on this list and, sadly enough, the lesser of the two. That said, “lesser” in this case still is a really good chip. Unlike the Utz chip, these actually do have a fair amount of actual crab flavor and brininess. The heat from the chili was also quite pleasant. The only things really holding these chips back is the texture. I find regular Lay’s to be extremely underwhelming from the crunch perspective and just way too greasy. Kettle and ridged chips are just more satisfying to eat and are way less greasy overall. Take this flavor profile and throw it onto a kettle or ridged chip and you’ve got a real winner. Until then, you’ve got some really solid flavor that’s held back by a very underwhelming delivery vessel. Rating: 4/5
*A quick note for my international friends and readers. As I am based in the US, all references I make to “chips” are referring to what some of you would know as “crisps”. Flavors I consider to be classic versus novelty are similarly biased by my experience as someone living in the US, so as always, please take everything above with a grain of salt.
…get it? Salt? Because chips are salty. It’s a bad pun. Please chuckle.
Also, for the purposes of this series I will also be broadly lumping similar snacks like pretzels and crackers into the “chip” umbrella. If you’d like to leave a pedantic comment insisting that this is blasphemy, I would instead invite you to bite me.
…yes, that’s another snack-based pun. If you’re still here, it’s entirely your fault that you read that.
The Cult Classic 
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